Connection over control: The resilience revolution in leadership

Belinda Gannaway
20 hours ago
6 min read

Author: Belinda Gannaway ACC, coach and facilitator, Ocelli XP

Leading in a VUCA world

FUD – fear, uncertainty and doubt*– is as common in today’s workplace as back-to-back Teams meetings. It’s often assumed that FUD is reserved for those at the top of the organisation, but in reality, much like leadership itself, FUD pervades every level. The good news is that just as FUD shows up throughout an organisation (it’s part of the inescapable backdrop we all operate in), so does leadership.

The Resilient Leaders Elements™ (RLE™) framework has long been clear: leadership isn’t about a job title, it’s about attitude. It’s how we show up and the influence we have – especially through the relationships we nurture and the environment we create for others. This environment can either energise or drain. If an organisation aims to be truly adaptable and resilient in a VUCA world, it needs as many energised and energising relationship-builders as possible.

If this principle that everyone can lead – otherwise known as situational leadership – has been a core principle of RLE™ since the beginning, so too has a belief in the power of relational leadership. Relational leadership puts people at the heart of lasting change, prioritising human connection over control. It’s a shift in leadership stance from a focus on hierarchy, power and control, to dialogue, cocreation and human energy. Resilient leadership is fundamentally about relational leadership. And the four RLE™ elements – Awareness, Leadership Presence, Clarity of Direction and Resilient Decision Making – all draw on emotional intelligence, the fuel of connection and relationships.

I love how Professor Alex Haslam at the University of Queensland, a leading scholar in social and organisational psychology, frames leadership as a ‘we’ rather than an ‘I’ phenomenon. And that ‘we’ works hard. Because better human connection and relationships are both an outcome and an enabler of resilient leadership.

So what enables relationships to flourish in the workplace, and what gets in the way? To answer that question, let’s first look at what human connection means and what it looks like at work.

What human connection looks like at work

It’s everyday

Forget the images of team away days, Christmas parties and annual conferences. Human connection isn’t confined to those few calendar moments when everyone comes together. It’s built through micro-moments every day. Whether someone says a proper hello at the at the beginning of a Teams call, genuinely asks how you are at the start of a 1:1, thanks you for your help, or makes you a coffee when you’re feeling off, these small actions make a huge difference.

Daniel Goleman, among the first to popularise emotional intelligence (EQ) in the 1990s, explains that while EQ at a personal level includes abilities like self-awareness and empathy, at a team level, it manifests in the everyday ways colleagues interact. Go slow and read that again. EQ is about the everyday ways colleagues interact!

Yet, fostering connection isn’t always easy. There’s a common assumption that positive interactions at work just happen. The truth is very different. And because these (sometimes) micro-moments of connection go unnoticed, they are easy to undervalue. That means, when the demands on us in our working day escalate, these important interactions can get squeezed out. And when they start to disappear, social capital – the value generated by relationships, trust and collaboration – begins to erode. And the effect snowballs.

From connection to relationship

Are all connections equal? Not entirely. Even a smile or eye contact offers a proven psychological benefit – think about that next time you are buying a coffee and looking at your phone in the process. And it is probably stating the obvious to point out that moving from connection to relationship magnifies the psychological (as well as the business) benefits. The well-known Gallup Q12 Employee Engagement Survey includes, “Do you have a best friend at work?” for a reason – meaningful relationships matter. Aaron Hurst, in The Purpose Economy, found that relationships – and not even purpose – are the leading driver of meaning and fulfilment at work. Yet, worryingly, research shows time and again that workplace loneliness is at unprecedented levels, both in-office and remote. And it’s worst in younger people.

This isn’t an argument for return-to-the-office mandates. Rather, it’s about being intentional in making space for connection and relationship-building, whatever the work routine. It matters deeply – energising individuals, building trust, nurturing supportive teams, and creating inclusive communities where everyone can belong and thrive. Relationships are resilience.

What gets in the way

Numerous obstacles get in the way of human connection at work. Organisational cultures often undermine social ties by rewarding individual over collective achievement, or prioritising short-term results at the expense of well-being. Hybrid and remote work can worsen loneliness unless leaders intentionally foster connection. Excessive competition, silos, and poor transparency erode trust, isolating people and discouraging learning and sharing.

The way in which resilience, too, is misunderstood has an impact. Traditional definitions paint it as a rigid trait – bounce back at all costs – which can encourage burnout and undermine psychological safety. The RLE™ perspective offers something different: resilience is about adaptability – mental, emotional and behavioural. It’s about learning, flexibility, and understanding and managing (not suppressing) our emotions. Rigid, old-school narratives around resilience – I’m talking about the ‘toughen up’ school of resilience – add to isolation, erode psychological safety and get in the way of relationships.

Much of this comes down to leadership. Leaders who prioritise task over people, or don’t actively role model connection, create environments where relationships weaken and social capital is lost. Connection cannot thrive when leaders neither create space for it nor encourage practices that embed it into team routines. So what about the common enemy effect – where a leader is so toxic that team unity temporarily increases in the face of a shared threat? Yes, it happens, but such a route to human connection is hardly healthy, and the positive effect on team connection is rarely sustainable. Don’t try it.

How to encourage connection and meaningful relationships

Here are just a few ideas; the world is full of other options if you look for them.

Be a relationship-rich leader: Relationship skills are among life’s most important, but they are always work in progress. Notice your relationship-building skills and reflect on how you could further develop them. The RLE™ assessment is a great starting point. And remember – the act of listening, truly listening, is often your most powerful tool.

Quantify social capital: Social capital is key to organisational success, but few organisations talk about it openly or measure it. Leaders can start by taking a relationship inventory – ask yourself and your team about the quality and nature of your network ties at work.

Role model connection: When leaders practise EQ and model connection, their energy and influence grow. This ripples outward, positively affecting team culture. Recognise colleagues, share honest feedback, and create informal touchpoints (online or in-person) to build rapport and trust.

Design for connection: Co-design interaction habits and rituals with your teams. Regular check-ins, meaningful 1:1s (particularly at least 45 minutes for real depth), and team coaching all boost relationships. Resilient teams are not merely collections of resilient individuals, but systems with flexible, adaptive routines that keep teams connected despite challenges.

Organisation-wide strategies: There are any number of organisational-level interventions that can create a space for new connections and relationships – from mentorship programmes, to communities of practice, company events and roulette coffee to name only a few. Some hit the mark, some are just window-dressing. If you want to make an impact in your culture, design with and not for your people. Build connection into everything you do, and it will start to become a way of life and not a noisy but disengaging intervention.

To Conclude:

Our habits – often unobserved – drive so much of what builds (or erodes) human connection. There’s still much we don’t know about how to foster it. But we all sense its absence when it’s gone. Put it back on the table. Recognise its value. Talk about it and seek to find those moments and opportunities when it can be built every day in your teams and across the organisation.

*FUD is a phrase coined by Raymond L. Forbes (Franklin University) in “The Paradox of Leadership Coaching in a VUCA World,” Advances in Social Sciences Research Journal, 2023.

Meet the Author

Belinda Gannaway works with leaders who want to build cultures where people thrive, not just survive. She coaches individuals and teams, helping them see their role in shaping organisational culture with clarity and intention.

Her clients range from FTSE 100 companies to growing SMEs. She also partners with HR teams and internal communications functions to translate cultural ambition into everyday practice.

In 2022, HR Magazine recognised her as one of HR's most influential thinkers for her work on culture and employee experience. As an Accredited Resilient Leaders Consultant, she brings the Resilient Leaders Development Programme™ (RLDP™) to organisations looking for measurable, lasting change in how their leaders show up.